


before and now aren't the same

by Gheloured



Series: Doctor whomst [2]
Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Doctor Whump, Gen, Life After the Doctor, Scars, Team TARDIS, Thirteenth Doctor Era, f in the chat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 10:32:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16596161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gheloured/pseuds/Gheloured
Summary: After they've left the doctor for their normal lives, Ryan, Graham, and Yaz find themselves face to face with her again, except this time her face is a bit different.





	before and now aren't the same

The afternoon sun shone through the leaves, much as the wind washed through and pulled them off of their branches. Cool air pervaded everywhere, no matter many blankets you put on, but the chill wasn't unpleasant, for in the safety of a bed of stayed away. It was precisely on this evening that Ryan and Graham took a walk, jackets pulled tight against the breeze. Those falling leaves reminded Ryan of something once said to him: No words were needed to express an apology, and he found this to be true, not if the other person was willing to forgive, and Graham wasn't the type of petty person to hold a grudge. Their feet made crinkley sounds on the leaf covered pavestones, but their quiet day was soon very loud: the engines of a very familiar vehicle rocked the trees and benches. Ryan looked to Graham, a stupid grin on his face: their speaker of wisdom had arrived.

 "She's finally come to visit!"

 as the blue box materialized, they ran towards it, ignoring the squelch of the marshy grass under their feet, waiting eagerly to greet the Doctor as she opened the door. when she did, she laughed and smiled and clasped their hands in her own, but she failed to notice their shocked looks at her face. The Doctor tilted her head in a confused and curious way.

 "What's wrong Graham, aren't you and Ryan happy to see me? I've come to visit!"

 "But Doc," Graham said, hesitantly gesturing to his face. "What happened to you?"

 "What do you mean?"

"You know, the thing," he gestured to his face again, more specifically the right eye.

"What he means to say," Ryan interrupted, "is that you should come over for dinner. We can invite Yasmin too. Bring team TARDIS back together. "

The Doctor fell out of her confused look and clasped her hands together in excitement. "Sounds great!"

She picked up something as stuffed it into her pocket, walking out of the TARDIS and snapping to shut the doors. She looked down at the ground, muttering something about rain boots, and wandered down to the sidewalk, Graham and Ryan following to show her the way to the flat.

On the way, Graham seemed to have moved on from his previous quest and instead updated the Doctor on earthen events, things he had done, and the bake-off. "There was this woman, you see, her name was Kim-Joy or something like that, and she tried to make her cake pistachio, but none of the flavors turned out. I expected her to leave the show, but she's stayed on for another episode."

 "I once had a cake made of pistachios. Wasn't very good, considering it was supposed to be a cake. Maybe it was just a bowl of pistachios. Pistachio is a fun word to say, isn't it Graham?"

They both took turns saying the name until it dissolved into laughter as their pronunciation slipped. Ryan didn't laugh. Instead, he examined the Doctor's face. A large gnarled scar slipped over her right eye and curved around the cheek below it. Well, we say examined, but in reality he stared, and when you stared at someone, they're bound to notice.

"What's up Ryan, you're awfully quiet," she said, smiling at him in her usual cheerfulness. He saw that one side of her smile couldn't go as high as the other. 

 "It's nothing Doctor, just haven't seen you in a while."

 She scrunched up her face like she usually did (not so usual, can't you see?) "How long has it been? I know we traveled for approximately... 3 earth years?"

 "we've gone domestic for five, Doc," said Graham, answering for him. "We've missed you. I'm sure we can make up something really good for dinner!"

 "Yeah!" The Doctor said, enthusiastically. "Can we have apples? I want to see if I like them this go around."

 By now, they didn't even bother to ask what she meant. She'd always been spouting off plenty of references that most people wouldn't get, going on about science and engineering and the simple things she had done over her vast life, (one longer than she let on.)

They knew she was old, older than any human could ever hope to be, and her stories were for the most part positive, but surely nobody as old as her could only have seen good things. He hadn't thought about it much before, but now Ryan saw the scar on her face and wondered how she could be so happy. He remembered other times when she thought they weren't looking and dropped her smile on favor of a frustrated face, trying to keep them from dying and solve whatever situation they were in.

Whenever they were looking, though, her smiles were shining brighter than the sun.

Ryan thought about her smiles, every one she'd given them (which admittedly, was a lot) and saw that not all of them reached her eyes, in fact most of them didn't seem to get quite there. 

Arriving at the apartment, it was the same as years before, except innumerable alien knick knacks littered the shelves, the tables, the chairs. Little harmless things to remind them of all that they had seen, what  they'd done with the amazing time traveling madwoman who now sat on a purple sofa in the main room. She patted the fabric, waving her legs idly like a child might, proclaiming loudly "brilliant. Whoever first made a purple sofa must be amazing."

"I thought we made Joseph do that?"

"Oh no, Ryan, that was someone else," The Doctor stopped to ponder her words, trying to think of a different person, when someone rang the doorbell. Ryan walked up to answer the door, to find Yasmin standing there in her casual clothes. 

"Hey," she said breathlessly, as if she had just jogged there. Yaz had taken that as a habit lately, to get better at running for the promotion in her job: No longer solving parking disputes. She smiled brightly at every one before gasping in audible shock at the sight of the doctor.

"Oh, Doctor, what happened?"

"Oh. This?" She pointed at her eye. "I ran into a little trouble at Cereys Minor, but it's only a scratch, and it's healed up y'see?"

 "That doesn't look little, did you see a doctor?"

She gasped, mockingly offended. "I am a doctor! The best one, you might say, and anyway, I just have a little trouble with the right eye. it's fine."

"How long ago was this?"

"Oh, a year back. Might've been longer since I was wonky for a bit after it got all puffy and oozy," she shivered, thinking of the time she has spent on the floor, face pressed against the grate but too weak to get up to the medbay, not knowing how long she had spent there while the TARDIS searched, materializing around a poor, unsuspecting nurse in a hospital somewhere. She woke out of her stupor, someone telling her to rest, before climbing back into her faithful blue box.

"I'm sorry, what?" Graham said. "It got infected?"

"Only for a bit and I'm fine now anyway, so it doesn't matter. Onto dinner? I'm starving. "

Ryan felt a bit queasy at the mention of oozing, but nodded. "Why don't we make it together?"

"Fantastic idea, Ryan, let's go to the store while Yaz and Graham get the tables set and ready!"

"O-k?" he said, patting his pocket to make sure he had a house key. Ryan looked at the others before departing to walk down to the nearest grocery store. Again, the crispiness of it all hit Ryan, the air, the leaves, even the slightly flaky edges of the Doctor's scar, old skin trying to repair itself,but the ropey mark blocking its way to healing. People giving them glances as if they were a couple, Ryan unconsciously drifting away from the alien just to get rid of their eyes. He didn't like to be looked at, but the Doctor didn't seem to mind.

 _Or_ , a rebellious part of his mind thought, _she doesn't know her face anymore._

He suspected she hadn't seen her reflection in a while, but decided not to say anything. He was sure it would be fine. Ryan itched to tell her, but they were at the store, and he figured asking someone about something so... personal... wouldn't be appropriate in a public place. They went inside the small shop, and the Doctor smiled broadly, a real smile as if being with her friends again made her the happiest thing in the universe, scurrying around and staring unabashedly at the earth products.

"Why would someone not want cholesterol? Oh, duh, you can't burn it away like us. "

Ryan sighed and smiled slightly. Same old Doctor. She remembered information a bit delayed, as if talking through it was a magic spell that could make it appear, but she was definitely smarter than him, or really anybody Ryan had ever met. They went up to pay after buying enough for chicken cutlets and rice for four people, keeping Yaz' massive appetite in mind, and the Doctor received yet another pitying look from the cashier.

The Doctor smiled brightly at him, but Ryan saw it hadn't reached her eyes. _So she does notice_ , he thought to himself, carrying the bags of groceries they had bought. The Doctor seemed to enjoy their silence as they walked home, watching the stars come out as the sun faded below the horizon.

"On my planet, the sky is red at night."

" Like that old saying, the one with the sailors? "

"Yeah, but red's to simple to describe it. I can't, I don't think anyone can really." She envisioned the crimson sky, smoldering softly with the wonders of the universe, punctuated by cold and crystal stars embedded in the liquid seas of void above. The whole sky was a vault of veridian and painted celestial poppies, the warm winds brushing through the silver stars, a beautiful interpretation of the leaves below and yet somehow unreachable. 

Ryan looked down at the Doctor, wondering what she was thinking about and looking at his own endless sky. A voice spoke up.

"How bad is it, really."

It was the Doctor. No longer smiling at all, better than her fake smiles but a million miles. Ryan glanced at her before looking away. "I don't want to sugarcoat it but I don't want to hurt you."

"Then don't describe it, I'll just get a picture of something."

"I can take it," Ryan said, stopping under a streetlight and pulling out his phone. The Doctor stood there dutifully, face still and serious, an expression Ryan never thought she could make. He tapped on the picture and showed the Alien her face, something she hadn't seen in a long while.

"Oh," she groaned, putting her face in her hands. " No wonder you were all so worried. I should've covered it up or something. "

"Nah, Doctor, that would've made us worry more, that you had to hide yourself from us."

The Doctor put her hands down, clutching at the fabric of her coat but looking resolutely at Ryan.

"Thanks."

It was a simple word, but one that meant so much. Ryan sighed and patted the Doctor on the back. Something passed between them in that touch, a thought, a word, an agreement. They walked home and talked and laughed and smiled, even if the Doctor's face couldn't spread a grin across the right side of her face, and Ryan's barks of laughter were too loud for most everybody walking along.

They had a lovely dinner with everybody, laughing and smiling and talking, and when the doctor went to the TARDIS to leave, after everyone else had gone home and to bed, Ryan smiled a small smile, but one better than all the others that night because it meant something.

"You're welcome Doctor, you don't have to hide anything from us. "

 

**Author's Note:**

> I have several burns on my arm because of soup. My life is falling apart.


End file.
